pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
