So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
