You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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