I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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