I think scott just propositioned me for sex
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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