I'm so fucking centered right now
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
