it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
