we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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