I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize