He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
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I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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