I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
