As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
