Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
