Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize