like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
