I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
