I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
