dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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