chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
