...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there was a trapeze. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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