And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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