Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
