you traded sex for a burrito?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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