God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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