I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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