when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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