i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
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