My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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