Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
