When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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