Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
