Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
