He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
