Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
