ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
