Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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