I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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