Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.

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  (714): she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt. http://tfl.nu/52xp
  Replies (12) Good night (678) Bad night (3004)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!

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  (630): dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg! http://tfl.nu/jn1p
  Replies (19) Good night (932) Bad night (3458)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I heard you threw up in your lap?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I heard that too.

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  (541): I heard you threw up in your lap? (1-541): I heard that too. http://tfl.nu/s86w
  Replies (9) Good night (1704) Bad night (3690)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.

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  (662): Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God. http://tfl.nu/m55y
  Replies (34) Good night (4077) Bad night (2035)
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  (408): View more from California

  You make shower sex sound like waterboarding

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  (408): You make shower sex sound like waterboarding http://tfl.nu/cy83
  Replies (28) Good night (3525) Bad night (2661)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think the doormans mad at me

  (773): View more from Illinois

  well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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  (630): i think the doormans mad at me (773): well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while... http://tfl.nu/017x
  Replies (12) Good night (1322) Bad night (2559)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.

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  (479): You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money. http://tfl.nu/ged1
  Replies (5) Good night (4149) Bad night (763)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

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  (216): My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak. http://tfl.nu/lf5p
  Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (1742)
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  (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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  (213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae
  Replies (4) Good night (2232) Bad night (741)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.

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  (907): Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor. http://tfl.nu/kb13
  Replies (5) Good night (685) Bad night (520)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.

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  (302): Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE. http://tfl.nu/pskj
  Replies (6) Good night (499) Bad night (1372)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??

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  (256): It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican?? http://tfl.nu/zvoh
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (295)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.

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  (315): My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair. http://tfl.nu/70uu
  Replies (6) Good night (773) Bad night (424)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.

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  (404): Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/ljkk
  Replies (4) Good night (553) Bad night (240)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed

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  (843): yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed http://tfl.nu/7mxw
  Replies (5) Good night (348) Bad night (541)

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