They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY