He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex