you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.