i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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