No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!