He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
