I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT