Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
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apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"