it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies