Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?