if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
