babies were throwing up all over the place
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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