So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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