yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
