I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
