it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
