R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
