I think I am morally bankrupt
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
