There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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