The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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