i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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