if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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