I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
zippers are such a cool invention
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
