Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i will never coherently bang her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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