He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
