You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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