Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
