I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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