I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
