the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
