I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
