so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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