if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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