Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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