first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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