Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
