I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
