hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry about my life...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
