the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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