He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
