Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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